Check In Before You Check Out

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Hawaii 2012

What a beautiful week this has been! Last week Barb and I were in Florida visiting my parents, sister, brother-in-law, 2 nephews, niece, her new husband, great nephew, the cat and a small flock of ducks! The weather was perfect for our three days; the sun was out each day and the temperature was in the 80’s each day. As we left on Thursday to return home we had shorts and t-shirts on, and the further we drove north the colder it got. We stopped outside of Columbia to get gas and supper and it was 37 degrees! What happened? Well, we missed the cold weather during spring break but are so thankful that this week proved to be sunny and warm.
I am so thankful for these times you allow me to take away from
the routine. We love seeing family and we enjoy the 9 hours of time alone in the car. It gives us a concentrated and uninterrupted time to check up on our relationship. It opens doors of conversation we don’t otherwise have, and it’s interesting what comes up and out in those discussions.
I want to encourage all of our couples to take time to check up in one another. Without open communication in a marriage that marriage will fail. I’m not saying you’ll end up calling the lawyers, but you’ll end up being disinterested in one another.
So, let me ask you: “What common interests of discussion do you and your spouse have?” What I am trying to say is: what do you guys like talking about?
It is so easy to check out in a marriage, but it is hard to stay plugged in. Checking out takes nothing. That’s right, you need to do absolutely nothing to grow the distance between the one you pursued so urgently years ago. Plugging in on the other hand takes hard work. It seemed so effortless when you first met and you could talk for hours about, well, pretty much each other. As time passes it seems that we’ve talked everything out and have pretty much beaten the proverbial horse dead. But in order for our marriages not only to survive but also to thrive we need to spend time working on this communication, you know, talking.
So while the weather is sunny and the warm breezes blow take an evening and walk the neighborhood with your spouse and talk. See what comes up and return to those days when you could talk for hours about nothing really special but it meant that you were together.
Grace & Peace,
Scott